Moving on

My dear Jane,

I've moved two houses down the lane
Where your once best friend pays heed
To my every possible need.

Now that we have parted
Let me tell you how it started.
You were busy with your job at Wal-Mart
When Rosie wormed her way into my heart.

In the evenings she often dropped by
Bringing me my favourite, apple pie
One thing then led to another
Soon, I was going to be a father!

She told me then I had to choose
And I saw I had not much to lose.
Jane, I don't mean to sound rude
But you were always way too prude

At times you behaved like a nun
Now my Rosie, she's a lot more fun!
In cooking she is as good as mum
She does not grudge my daily rum

No wars over the toilet seat
No nagging if I'm not all neat
No pestering me to mow the lawn
To walk the dog at crack of dawn

The best is that she does not shout
If I forget to take the garbage out
You know Jane, now it seems
Rosie's the girl of my dreams

She is the light of my life
So it's goodbye dear wife.
Do hope you will soon encounter
True love at the Wal-Mart counter

And if it's not too much of a bother
Will you please be our child's Godmother?

Do reply without fail
Send your reply by mail

I remain (a husband, now gone)
Yours faithfully,
John

(initially posted on S&C, Ryze as part of a 'Dear John' letter writing exercise)