10 September, 2005

The struggle within

It was the eve of her birthday
The party had just begun
Her friends were all around her
The air was soaked with fun

When blowing out the candles
(There were just twenty-five)
The room full of song and laughter
Made her feel so alive!

Today the voice inside her head
She was determined to ignore
So clapping her hands to the music
She twirled on to the dance floor

Hungrily she savored the moments
Drinking deeply from the cup
And again she briefly wondered
Why one would want to give up

But then the demons grew stronger
They had for the past two years
No, no one yet knew about them
She had not shared her fears

And so the voice kept calling
From dark recesses of her mind
Teasing her to step off the edge
Severing all ties that bind

The world thought she was quiet
But her world was full of noise
As endless doubt, desire to live
Battled the raging voice

Oh this pull-push was too painful
She wished that it would end
She told herself, a dreamless sleep
For sure her soul would mend

So when the party was over
She kissed her friends goodnight
And when the last of her pals had left,
Turned on the bedroom light

Then lying quiet on her king-sized bed
With a prayer to disencumber
She took a handful of sleeping pills
And drifted off to slumber...

5 comments:

Wandering Pilgrim said...

This is beautiful...your imagery is breathtaking

Aparna Ray said...

Thank you for your kind words!

Anonymous said...

ah... so beautiful.. and so sad.. u write so well

Aparna Ray said...

Thank you Nancy...yes it is sad indeed...

Soumyendu said...

Came across your blogs by sheer chance. There is this compelling death wish I seem to notice in young and successful people, both men and women, otherwise quite normal, gentle and articulate...well, most of them are definitely not going to take the plunge, I assure myself, and perhaps, there is some purpose that is served by this acute alienation...